We continue to wait...we really don't have any new news, just the same; waiting for a signature at the Presidents office. For me, this ranks even with my daughter Bailey being diagnosed with diabetes, as one of the most difficult experiences of my life. Looking back, as horrific as it was (and still is), watching my little girl endure needle poke after needle poke, I still felt like I was somewhat in control. I managed that "control" by making sure I was with her at all times. I think most moms would agree that is a normal and possibly even healthy response. I am sharing all that to say, that I think I handled Bailey's diagnosis better because I still felt I had some kind of control.
This however, is COMPLETELY out of our control. Nothing I can do or say can change the fact that our four little girls are halfway around the world from us, in an orphanage. No matter how nice that orphanage is in comparison to other orphanages in the world, it is no place for our daughters (or any child for that matter). I miss them so much, I find myself adding 7 hours to what time it is here over and over throughout the day wondering what they are doing. I wonder if they are happy, I wonder if they are getting enough to eat, I wonder if they are sad and wondering when and if we are coming back. The pain is almost unbearable at times knowing I might miss another lost tooth, another first word, or even a scraped knee. I can't handle that I am not there to kiss them good night, tell them how much I love them, and listen to them tell me how much they love me. I really can't handle that I am not there to pick GiGi up when she wakes up at 11:00 pm, worse I wonder if she even does wake up anymore or did unanswered cries cause her to stop??
Last night we attended our church's Fall Faire. I had a wonderful time seeing our kids dressed up and having a good time. Simultaneously, I could barely hold it together thinking about the girls and the reality that they should be home by now. I couldn't stop thinking about how much fun our little "wild women" would have. I even wondered what each of them would have chosen to dress up as. I will confess, I went to bed with a broken heart, tearfully telling each of them how sorry I was that they weren't here to go with us. No, I cannot talk to them right now but I have found that talking to them like they are here releases a lot of my emotions.
God is faithful, if you don't believe me, try opening your Bible and praying to Him daily. I am overwhelmed by His love for me today, I opened up my Bible and it fell open to a page where I had a piece of paper randomly stuck in my Bible. This is not unusual, my Bible is filled with bookmarks, sermon note pages, note cards. However, this was just a folded piece of paper. I don't even know what it was from. The paper says, "He calls us to a greater and deeper faith in Him. Mary did not let her questions stop her from taking the risk!" Then there are a list of verses, I looked to see if the spot that the paper was in was on the list and it was. 2 Cor 4:17 "For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurable great glory that will last forever!"
Then I read the notes at the bottom, it says
Our troubles should not diminish our faith or disillusion us. We should realize that there is a purpose in our suffering. Problems and human limitations have several benefits.
(1)They remind us of Christ's suffering for us.
(2) They keep us from pride.
(3) They cause us to look beyond this brief life.
(4) They give us opportunities to prove our faith to others.
(5) They give God the opportunity to demonstrate His power.
So in our present troubles, I am asking God to continue blessing me with His words of encouragement and I am thanking Him that I get to be reminded of how much more He suffered for us. I am thanking Him that this situation really does prove how small and powerless we are. I am thanking Him that even though these last few weeks have been dragging on, in reality it is a small amount of time. I am thanking Him that He has given us the opportunity to share with others that we DO believe that He is our GREAT and POWERFUL God. We are thanking Him that although we don't know exactly what it looks like, we believe with all our hearts that in His perfect timing He will be demonstrating His incredible power to allow us to bring our girls home!