Love

For the past few months, I have been reflecting a LOT on the people in the Bible and what life looked like for them.  I have then been comparing it to my own life, how it has been in the past and how it is now.  I don't even know how to describe what I believe Jesus has done in my life the past few months but I found it summed up in Bob Goff's book "Love Does".  (A MUST read!)  Goff says: 

"I learned that faith isn't about knowing all of the right stuff or obeying a list of rules.  It's something more costly because it involves being present and making a sacrifice.  Perhaps that's why Jesus is sometimes called Immanuel-"God with us".  I think that's what God had in mind, for Jesus to be present, to just be with us.  It's also what He has in mind for us when it comes to other people.  The world can make you think that love can be picked up at a garage sale or enveloped in  a Hallmark card.  But the kind of love that God created and demonstrated is a costly one because it involves sacrifice and presence.  It's a love that operates more like a sign language than being spoken outright."

I would be lying if I said that I was excited to come here to the DRC again.  As I laid in bed the morning I left, I was recalling the way I felt before leaving the girls to come back home.  I truly did not know how I was going to leave them.  I remember asking myself how I could stay away from my kids at home any longer but because our four little girls were right there in front of me, I felt their pain more deeply than the pain of my kids at home.  I wondered to myself if I would feel that same way if the places were swapped.  It reminded me of when I was pregnant with Preston and Dylon.  I don't know how many other moms can relate to what I am about to say but I feel guilty even writing the words now.  I would hold Bailey and wonder to myself how I could possibly ever love a child as much as I loved Bailey.  The reality is and has been proven over and over again for me...God's love, the reason I am able to love my kids, it doesn't stop, it never runs out, and in all honestly, I believe with all my heart the more kids that I have been able to be "Mommy" to, has allowed me to love each of my kids even more.  I truly delight in how uniquely God created each one of our children!!  

I will be honest, it was awful leaving our eight kids at home.  I felt like I couldn't possibly leave.  I told them how sorry I was over and over.  Yes, it does help that they are a little older and that they speak English and that I am leaving them with Daddy, but there was very real pain in their eyes and it truly broke my heart.  While reading Bob's book, I came across this: 

"I think God sometimes uses the completely inexplicable events in our lives to point us toward Him.  We get to decide each time whether we will lean in toward what is unfolding and say yes or back away.  the folks who were following Jesus in Galilee got to decide the same thing each day because there was no road map, no program, and no certainty.  All they had was this person, an idea, and an invitation to come and see."

That pretty much sums up the past few months for me...I am more aware of Jesus being near to me than ever before in my life.  I have said "yes" to things I would have never had the courage to in the past, because I have felt so clearly that God is guiding us.  Don't get me wrong, I have doubted so many times I am certain Brian is tired of me asking "Are you sure I should go honey?"  The last night before I came back here was one of those examples.  I'm scrambling around, packing up the last couple suitcases and I get an email from the man who owns the guest houses where we have stayed.  His email to me said, "I'm so sorry Danna, we have no availability until Sunday the 24th."  Ummmm big, HUGE gulp.  Where were the girls and I going to stay????  I hadn't booked anything else and I was about to get on a plane in the morning.  I immediately began asking Brian what I should do, should I change my flights??  He told me to calm down, to ask the owner if he had any apartments available.  So, I wrote him back and asked if he had any of his apartments, I also added that Brian really didn't want the girls and I staying elsewhere.  I got an email back from him that said he would respond in the morning.  I know Jesus asks us to have faith and to trust Him but I will confess, in situations like this, I more frequently decide it is a "closed door" than the Lord asking me to trust Him.  I WANT to trust Him and I had several other confirmations that I was supposed to leave this week.  So, I finished packing and went to bed, knowing that I may arrive in Kinshasa not knowing where I would stay.  Here's another quote from "Love Does":  

"I once heard somebody say that God had closed a door on an opportunity they had hoped for.  But I've always wondered if when we want to do something that we know is right and good, God places that desire deep in our hearts because He wants it for us and it honors Him.  Maybe there are times when we think a door has been closed and, instead of misinterpreting the circumstances, God wants us to kick it down.  Or perhaps just sit outside of it long enough until somebody tells us we can come in."  

I'm sure glad I didn't change my tickets that night!  God is very merciful and I woke up to two emails.  The first one I read was from the owner of the motel, confirming they did indeed have room for me.  The second was a Wisdom Hunters devotional, the part that jumped out to me was this:

Compassion and courage are steady staples for servants of Jesus. We seek out the spiritually lost, the emotionally bankrupt and the physically displaced to invest our time and money in them for Christ’s sake. Compassion is love in action and courage carries it on its broad shoulders of bold belief. Obstacles are only stepping stones for God to show Himself real and resourceful. Hence, continuous courage is fueled by faith in Christ. While others hide out in fear, we remain faithful.
 
This calls for patient endurance on the part of the people of God who keep his commands and remain faithful to Jesus. Revelation 14:12

I know that this adventure is just beginning and that God has so much more to teach me/us.  I will continue to share how He is working in us!  Brian and I are humbled that you have chosen to join us.  Truly, thank-you doesn't seem sufficient for the way so many of you have financially supported us so that I can go be with the girls.  Or, the way so many of you have offered to make meals and help out with the kids.  Last, but certainly not least, we are so grateful for the continued prayers on behalf of our girls and our family.  Thank-you!!!

One more Bob Goff quote for you:

"Every day God invites us on the same kind of adventure.  It's not a trip where He sends us a rigid itinerary, He simply invites us.  God asks what it is He's made us to love, what captures our attention, what feeds that deep indescribable need of our souls to experience the richness of the world He made.  And then, leaning over us, He whispers, "Let's go do that together."  This is it for me, ask anyone who has known me for a long time.  My entire life, there is nothing I have been more passionate about than children.  There is nothing I would rather do than love on kids, no where I would rather be than with a room full of them :)  "...if we start RSVPing yes to His invitations and go after those things He's made us to love.  It's not all planned out for us either, and that's where most people get to nervous to take the next step.  But know this: when Jesus invites us on an adventure, He shapes who we become with what happens along the way."